A New Friend and A New Dream

I have a new dream my dream is no longer to live in Utah in the basement but my new dream is to live with my new friend Rebecca, except I want her to live with us when Mom can't take care of us anymore.  She is nice and so much fun but most of all she likes me and accepts me for who I am and she is just like me and I love that in her!  She comes over to my house to visit me and to hangout with me, we have fun together, and she e-mails me.  She has 4 little girls that keep her busy but she still has time for me she makes me feel special.  I just want to be there for her and do anything that I can to help her out.  I met her at church and when she became Nursery Leader that's when she befriended me and we became friends, I love all of the love that she gives me in Nursery and I feel because she befriended me then she wanted to be a friend to me and be my friend.  I liked it one time she said to me "I have a feeling that you don't get very much love at your house."  She was right, I don't get very much love or attention at my house or even in my family. :(  So she tries to give me that love and attention in Nursery, and then things slowly began to happen, at the end of last September she began to e-mail me on her birthday because I tried to send her a birthday e-mail and last October when Dad give us those Christmas tickets to a Christmas play because there were only two tickets Mom wanted to give them away plus she really didn't want to go; I immediately thought of the Michelson's, let's give it to them for date night because I wanted Rebecca to be my friend and do things with me and not just every Sunday in the Nursery and I know to have a friend you must be a friend, so I gave her those tickets in November as a surprise. And I said I want to be your friend and she said, "I'm already your friend" then she told me "How about if I come to your house on Tuesday" I asked what time and she said after 1 so she came with her youngest daughter Eliza, and we had so much fun together, she is so much fun, I just love her!!  I am so very grateful that she came into my life! :-)  I am so thankful that we met, thanks to Heavenly father I have a really good friend; I really love her and her family so much!!  They have really been a blessing in my life!   Now I like to pretend that we are family, and I buy some things for them and I like to go over to their house and give it to them, that is if I can convince my Mom to drive me over there, for some reason I don't think that my Mom likes to go over there because she gives me a bad time every time.  Ever since I start praying and hoping and wishing and waiting for Rebecca to come into my life and to be a friend to me, finally my prayers were answered and our friendship has grown, I compare our friendship to a seed I planted the seed if it grows and blossoms and blooms them it was a good seed and our friendship grow but if the seed dies then our friendship wasn't mean to be, oh how I prayed, I prayed really hard for the seed to blossom and bloom and not die but there were times that I wondered if that seed was going to make it because it was dying and it was dying fast but with a little tender and care and love, faith and prayers my seed came back alive and it started to grow again and then we became friends again.  She comfort me she comforted me even when my Dad didn't think that I was worthy to be comforted, to him I am just a stupid girl and I am playing a victim because I want to be loved and cared for and I playing games, he makes me feel bad, he makes me feel that I am no good just because I am handicapped and just because I am handicapped I won't be anyone in life I'm no one special and I don't think like him, and now I think that everyone thinks that I am playing a game and I am playing the victim just because I want to be cared for, he has really missed up my mind over the years, even though I don't live with him he still says mean things towards me and he is self-centered too because Grandma's dog was hurt and I went to my Dad for help and then I noticed that he was bleeding so I tried to get his attention but when I finally did he screamed at me "What do you want me to do about it!!"  and when I told my friend about it she what a jerk and I agreed with her, 100%, he is a jerk especially after what he did to me one Tuesday night, he screamed at me for no reason, literally for not reason.   I was so stressed out that I scratched my face until it bled, and that surprised me that I would scratch my face so hard that bled, I thought I was just barely scratching my face, but what really surprised me I said that I was going to kill myself and he said GOOD!!  What a bully!  So after we got home he kicked me out of my own house so I ran away trying to go to my friend's house I know she would comfort me and she did after Mom had took me.  My Dad wasn't even sorry for what he did, he didn't even look for me, he didn't even care!  I wanted to go where I know the only person that cared about me would comfort me because according to my Dad I am not worthy to be comforted ether.  What is so shocking to me is how self centered my Dad can be, that my Dad can be so self-centered that he cares about no one except himself, he doesn't care about anyone feelings he doesn't even consider them.  No wonder I have self-esteem problems.  But my friend was so sweet to me she put me on her lap and comforted me while I cried, what a kind thing to do and when I told her that I told Dad I was going to kill myself a few seconds later she said softly that's not an option, I bet she was sad for me, aww, that's nice, after been treated like a nobody all my life then someone walks into my life that actually cares about me, I am just hoping and praying that she doesn't give up on me and leave my life like my other friends did.  My friend has a friend that I was hoping that she would want to be my friend too so I would have two friends that did things with me instead of just one but she e-mailed me and told me that she was too busy to be my friend, I was crushed, how rude she can be Rebecca's friend she isn't too busy to be her friend but she's too busy to be my friend though!   That hurts!!  Like my friend said that night why is everyone mean to you, you are so sweet.  I thought good question.

Sorry for the yellow, I copied and paste this.